Managing personal change

The only thinker after Gandhi, I came across, who advocated personal change as an important element of the change strategy is Silo, the founding figure of the Humanist Movement. Almost every one else talks of social change or change out there. Let me share an experience of personal change.

On 1 Dec 07 I stopped smoking. In 1997, I had given up smoking for 10 months, before succumbing to the emotional blackmail from a friend. This time around I had not given any deep thought. I happened to be with the same friend. We smoked and then I mentioned that I am tired of smoking and thinking of quitting. We had just come out of a farewell meeting held for me, as I had retired the previous day. He said it would be a miracle if I did give up. That did it. Incidentally 1 Dec is our wedding anniversary. I told my wife, this is your anniversary gift. For once, she liked it.

Now there is a difference between giving up and stopping in my mind. Giving up requires a great resolve as it implies giving up for good. Stopping is for lesser mortals like me, who have decided to put an end but are not sure how long their abstinence would last. So I prefer to say that I have stopped. In fact, just yesterday I told another friend of mine that I might take it up again after 65.

Coming to the genesis of the decision, let me say that I have believed for long that as long as I truly enjoyed smoking it would not harm me. If I smoked mechanically, without paying attention and without enjoying it, it would definitely show up in my health card. I had stopped enjoying it for quite some time and I attribute it to the steady decline in the quality of tobacco.

The second thought that has kept me company for the last 35 years is that if I smoke, I need to exercise daily. I have been doing that regularly in one way or the other. I started with the Yogasanas, then Shivanand system, then the Canadian 5bX and finally 3SRB system of breathing. I am now going to switch to the Tibetan exercises. But in spite of regular exercises, I developed mild hypertension in late 2005 and have been on medication since then. Obviously my eye surgeon and the physician strongly rebuked me then for my smoking. But there was something else.

I thought that at some stage my children would actually get concerned with my health as the age advanced. With smoking there could be complications and they might have to bear the brunt of it. All of us at that time might think how much better it would have been had I not smoked. This thought was the clincher for me.

This thought needed to be supported. So I followed a practice that in Mind Training is called Mental Screen. There is no use cribbing about the adverse effects of smoking. The long list of diseases is quite depressing and sickening. It needs to be complemented by the consequences of stopping smoking. The image of a healthy, cheerful and trim APB is what really motivated the change and is sustaining it so far.

Personal change for me takes place out of a positive desire for a better existence as well as a desire to put an end to the negativities in the present. It is as though the negativities push for change, while the positives pull it from the front. For me both are equally important. It is no use harping on only one of the two.

I haven't yet told my father-in-law about this. The last time I told him, he said,"tell me this after a year." Well, I told you what happened then. So the news can be shared with him after it is sufficiently old. Right now it is dated.

The Image Trap

This is my first post on this blog and if you read its title, you will quickly realise that I am fighting hard not to get into an image trap. I was at IMDR conducting and directing a process lab early last month and realised that some in the new batch of students carried a larger-than-life image of mine. At some stage I made the statement to myself and to them that I am a person and not an image, though others would carry the image. I felt liberated with that statement. I didn't have to think of conforming to the image students had of me.

To me, the image is formed by the fusion of the personality and the expectations from it. Image is what the world wants to and is able to see in a particular object. When it is passed on from one group to another, there is a tacit statement being made: this is the image and that is the reality; now make your choice.

In the same way, I see my Bol being labelled Anmol here. Fine! I feel happy, but at the same time, I am careful not to step into the image and aim at saying something witty and pithy all the time. Efforts to become great end up being pathetic. Greatness is also an image, created by the world depending upon its needs and expectations. So let me promise that I will write on this blog my reflections that stem from my day to day living.

It's okay, isn't it?

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